Today was not a complete success.
In fact, all in all in was fairly disastrous. If anything could have gone wrong it did, and
just when I thought fate had finished pissing on my fireworks, it managed to squirt another dribble.
The decorating came to something of a standstill when I tried to dig a channel in the wall
for the television cables and associated electrical wires. I drilled dozens of holes to mark out the channel and completed
the job with a masonry chisel. The length and depth were perfect, minimal plastering would be needed to bring the wall back
to a smooth finish and the wires would be hidden as planned. With the assistance of a friendly neighbour I lifted the Plasma
TV against the wall to double check the bracket placement and realised I’d dug out the wrong side.
Yes, I’d needlessly removed several pounds of wall that now had to be repaired.
The next hour was spent filling it again.
I decided against trying to install a new electrical socket as the way things were going I’d
probably cause a power cut in a large area of Southern England.
So, I turn my attention to wallpapering three of the walls only to discover I’d bought
a bag of Polyfilla rather than wallpaper paste. In my defence they were next to each other on the shelf and are about the
same size. Besides, the wife should have noticed my error when we got to the checkout, therefore, if I think really, really
hard I can almost persuade myself it’s not my fault.
Rather than having anything more to do with the decorating for the rest of the day I locate a few cardboard boxes and
start to pack up sundry items from the dining room.
Out of the corner of my eye I notice one of the boxes is moving.
There’s either a very rational explanation for this phenomena or I’ve been standing
too close to the paint tins.
I opened it to discover there was nothing supernatural going on. The cat had made itself a
little nest in it and managed to get stuck.
You would imagine the ungrateful little bastard would be delighted to receive its liberty.
No such luck.
It flew at me like that thing that attached itself to John Hurt’s face in ‘Alien’
and I received an armful of scratches for my trouble. I was unable to catch the animal as it rocketed past me like a Polaris
missile. I haven’t seen it since; it’s probably hiding somewhere while it plots its next move against me.
Ok, enough is enough.
I plant myself on the sofa with my laptop and register for the afternoon freeroll which was
due to start about ten minutes later, at least nothing can go wrong there.
Oh yes it fucking can.
I played for two and a half hours, avoiding the donks and making some pretty good decisions.
The poker Gods were looking after me and I was getting some great cards. There were sixty-one players left and I was in a
good position with 35,000 chips. I’m dealt pocket tens and look to increase my stack even further.
Just before I raise the big blind I lose the connection.
And not just to the poker site, the entire Internet link has crashed which means I have to
contact Virgin customer service department.
I eventually managed to get past the worst (and most infuriating) voicemail system in the World
and spoke to a real voice.
Unfortunately I think it’s their new policy to capture wild chimpanzees, shave them,
teach them rudimentary English and sit them in front of a telephone. I’d have been better off trying to get a satisfactory
response from the cat.
I’ll try again tomorrow with the outside chance they’ll be able to help get me
back on-line again. Hopefully by then I’ll be able to let you know how much I won and what position I came because at
the moment I haven’t got a clue; but I wouldn’t hold your breath.
At the time of writing this I still can’t even access so much as an e-mail
So you can see it hasn’t been my best of days.
I haven’t even dared go to the toilet. With the way things have gone, I’d probably
have stood up for a pee and my dick would have fallen off in my hand.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $no idea.
