It’s not often I come up with ideas, and when I do they’re usually either too stupid
to reach any kind of fruition or too rude to put into action under a host of obscenity laws. However, during a break from
today’s poker I noticed an advert on television that could form the base of a winner.
I always find it difficult to choose Christmas and birthday presents for everyone apart from the current Mrs. Snowman
and the mother-in-law who usually get, respectively, a bottle of perfume and some metal polish for the bolt through her neck.
But today I saw an advert from a charity where you can sponsor an animal. Smaller ones such as dogs and rabbits doubtless
cost less than something like an elephant where a consortium would be needed to fork out the entire cost. This is where my
inspiration came from.
Rather than animals, I could advertise parts of myself for sponsorship.
Working on the same principal, different bits would attract different prices. For example:
I could offer a leg for a couple of thousand dollars while an arm might only be worth a few hundred. Then I got to thinking
that the income potential is restricted to limbs unless I take it to an obvious next step. I could offer organs too!
Clearly I can’t put them up for actual ownership, as I don’t want a Russian businessman
knocking on the door with a team of transplant surgeons demanding my kidneys but I see no reason why they can’t be temporarily
supported by a group of benefactors. At this point I’m sure you’ve seen the flaw in this plan.
Can you imagine anyone (other than a research laboratory) wanting to pay for my liver? After
years of being pickled in beer and bourbon it must look like a teabag so I could probably only expect to get twenty or thirty
cents for that. The same could be said for my bowels, which must be one of the most unpleasant things in the known universe.
I guess I could always offer them in a ‘buy one, get one free’ deal with my colon.
I have a friend who works in the radiography department at the local hospital so there would
be no problem with sending my potential customers pictures of their chosen bits. Home use of a digital camera could be utilised
to capture images of the visible parts but I have to ask myself if anyone would really want a photograph of my penis dropping
through their letterbox. Maybe someone would consider it value for money to fund my dick although even at three cents I may
still have out priced myself from the market.
Commercial practicalities had nothing to do with the poker today where the freerolls once more
presented me with further opportunities to add to the bankroll.
The $50 event added the sum total of, …nothing, whilst the $250 game elicited the same
amount. I’m embarrassed to report I fell asleep for the next two so my bankroll remains static. Yesterday I assured
you all I would apply myself, which doesn’t seem to have happened so tomorrow I promise I will. Honestly, really and
truly, cross my heart and hope to have peanut butter smeared into my nipples.
One final thought on my idea of body sponsorship: I have no reference point from which to value
my own parts so would be grateful if my readers could pitch in and help. Therefore, any photos you may have can be mailed
to me directly and I shall scrutinise them with the utmost diligence. Alternatively you could post them to the following address
if Mrs. Snowman reads this post:
The Specialist Care Unit for Testicular Injuries
General Hospital
London
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.14
