There are
many burning questions in life.
Is there
a unified theory in quantum mechanics? Can the space-time continuum be warped to a singularity? If reincarnation exists why
does Michael Jackson keep coming back as the same thing?
These questions
and others have been discussed by the greatest thinkers of our time but perhaps the most important of all has been overlooked:
why the hell did I play such stupid cards in last night’s freeroll?
I can answer just one of these with a high degree of confidence, and its not the one relating
to a small plastic surgery enthusiast with an unhealthy interest towards children.
Midnight saw the start of Ladbrokes $100 freeroll, and with only 1493 starters I figure I’m
in with a shot. Once more I manage to steer clear of the all-in lunatics for the first few rounds and steadily increase my
stack to almost 3000. I’m feeling quite good until a new player arrives at the table and starts using the chat facility.
Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy banter at the tables, it’s part of the game that
sets it aside from other pastimes. I’ve made more friends playing poker than anything else I’ve ever done. It
breaks down social barriers and unites people with a shared passion. I even set up a game in the hotel bar when I was on my
honeymoon – and the wife didn’t mind! Although she was a little upset when I got drunk and was sick in he pool.
However, there is a cloud attached to this silver lining and it comes in the shape of a lower
life form known as a PITA (Pain In The Arse). Pitas can be found the World over, usually explaining in very loud voices to
anyone within ear shot what amazing poker players they are. Their diatribe invariably includes a detailed explanation of how
badly everyone else is playing their own cards shortly before they’re knocked out.
This particular Pita came storming in and told a player he was a donkey for folding pocket
Queens against pocket Aces with an Ace on the board
“I would have won that by bluffing” was the comment.
I
thought it was a brilliant fold.
At
this point I suspect many people would make a perfectly valid argument for an international cull of Pitas but hold on for
a second. I think they perform an important socio-political function for everyone else.
If I ever hear them rant about something and I find myself agreeing with it then quite clearly my first
thought must be incorrect!
For
example, say you and your entire family wanted to change careers and become bounty hunters. (This is of course assuming the
entire family have only three brain cells which they use on alternate days). You'd change your name to "Gerbil" or something
similar and then let everyone know in the loudest possible terms that you're never wrong.
Alternatively
you could run for Congress.
The
outcome would be the same.
Needless to say the Pita soon went down faster than Paris Hilton in a nudist camp after
playing 8-9 off against K-Q suited with a flush on the turn.
However, I’m not in much of a position to talk as I saw my chip stack halved soon afterwards with a set of 7’s
against trip 10’s on the turn.
I could have kicked myself for being so stupid.
It was two hands later that the fateful A-8 was dealt and I committed the rest of my bank with
K-Q-J-9 on the board. I can imagine everyone reading this banging their head against their computers and muttering to themselves
what an idiot I was for not folding.
As much as I hate to admit it, you’re all correct. Therefore the answer to my initial
question is clear…because I am a fucking idiot.
Tomorrow sees the regular Friday night game that I organise at my local club so I will miss
two of the freerolls but I will report back on the drunken bums who have the unfortunate distinction of being my friends.
I would, however, like to apologise in advance to the bar staff. I expect to knock my
first drink over the table somewhere around midnight and jam the cigarette vending machine about ten minutes later.
We’ll see.
Starting bank : $0
Current bank: $0
